“Sit still and watch the show!”

This is the best meditation advice I have received so far and Kyle Cease, delivered it (link). To “sit still and watch the show”, entails a meditation where you have no mantra, you don’t have to sit in any special position, just comfortable, while still making sure you don’t fall asleep, and “watch the show”.

The key here being to watch. Just allowing your mind to go where it wills sort of, and staying put in the observing mode. Thoughts, arguments, feelings will present themselves on the stage and your “job” is just to observe and allow, nothing more, nothing less. It is not about receiving mindblowing revelations, (though that might happen), it’s not about having sensational experiences, or trying to think positive thoughts, it can be quite tedious and aggravating at times, just to observe and allow.

It’s a very gentle form of meditation that for me makes all the difference. I sometimes feel very attracted to to do-lists, with directions on how to sit, mantras to use, how to use your eyes, or not use them, mudras etc etc, but I have noticed that this then becomes the prime focus, ie “doing it right”. With “sit still and watch the show” my focus is just on observing.

This freedom from trying to fix anything, trying to experience something specific, or the stress of my anxious belief that I have to do it right or difficulty in relinquishing control, that still haunts me from time to time, is liberating. The very act of observing is what benefits me, it keeps me from reacting, from being caught in the mind’s, or ego’s schemes and it reveals how much nonsense is processed by my mind on a daily basis. The added bonus is also that many of the scenes in the show with their accompanying reactions or residue of emotional charge seem to dissipate and resolve themselves right out of my body, by me just observing them.

It’s uncomfortable at times to realize just how long or to which degree I have been stuck in the past, in the fear of the future or just in painful reactions, but well worth it. To watch the show, breathe through it, to keep observation neutral, as if I watch an actual show, removes the emotional charge from many of these habitual thoughts, and for me it feels like a major spring cleaning, where the doors to my, or the universal, pure inspiration and creativity suddenly are thrown wide open. .

 

Allowing yourself to trust the bigger picture

It’s so easy to get stuck in details, in regret, in remorse, in vindication and need for vengeance. “I should have known better” or “he/she/they can’t get away with this” or whatever it may be. But for all you know, that thing you did, that might have been stupid, or might have been mean in the rearview mirror of reflection, may be what caused a lot of really great things to happen. It’s a good thing that you have come to the conclusion that maybe there are other ways to handle painful situations, but beating yourself up, or trying to beat someone else up, by holding on to past deeds will only cause you more pain.

We get caught in the details of our lives and forget about the bigger picture, the entirety of life that we are in fact a part of. We are all connected and our actions affect everything and everyone around us.

Pain, whether we perceive it as caused by someone else or our own actions, always tells us that there is another way to go. Pain can direct us towards insights in the why we react, or just simply tell us with precision that we are failing to see and understand something. Because that is what the pain is, a message from our subconscious that we are off track.

The most productive way to handle painful events is to allow them to be felt. Refraining from immediately trying to fix them and “get away” from the pain. It is the exact opposite of what most of us has been taught. We want to be “solution oriented” or “fixers” and pride ourselves in that notion. Meanwhile the pain remains and nothing really changes.

Trusting in the bigger picture means accepting that there is a bigger picture and also accepting that there is no way for us to see everything, but just trusting that whatever pain shows up is there to be felt and released. Our hearts know how to do this. But our minds keep getting in the way, by deflecting and rehashing, trying to figure out how to get out of the pain, and we remain stuck in the pain instead, dragging it along from our past to our present and perpetual future.

This is the reality of “letting go and letting god”. Understanding that it’s not necessarily something we need to “do” or “figure out” but instead sit with it and allow that energy to be felt and dissolved. Sort of like the difference between pacing frantically around in the bathroom, cursing the water in the tub, examining it, worrying about it not leaving the tub etc etc, and instead just pull the plug (hand the pain over to your heart) be still and allow it to drain all by itself.

Piskans och morötternas tid är förbi!

Från dagen vi föds till livet tar slut uppmanas vi att fokusera på att “bli bättre”,  som om vi föds otillräckliga och inte bra nog. Samtidigt förstår vi t ex att en tre månaders bebis naturligtvis inte är sämre vid tre månader när den inte kan gå än vid tolv månader, men när förväntningarna, med stigande ålder, ökar på vad vi ska klara av ersätts ofta uppmuntran och stöd av kritik och bannor eller eventuellt löften om framtida belöningar om x eller y uppfylls.

Vi lär oss fokusera på vad vi INTE kan göra än på det vi kan, har bemästrat eller är bra på. Skärpan ställs hela tiden in på det vi INTE vill ha mer av och trots våra ansträngningar ökar det oönskade i våra liv.

Vi tror att om vi fokuserar på det vi ser som problem och “löser” dem, om det nu är fyra kilo för mycket, ryggvärk, fel jobb, fel chef, fel älskling, trotsiga barn eller något annat och tänker ” när jag fått bort de här jävla kilona, den här plågsamma ryggvärken som gör så himla ont försvunnit, jag inte behöver jobba på det här skitjobbet längre, chefen slutat med att ignorera mig, min partner inte är så irriterande eller mina barn slutar svara uppkäftigt så blir allt bättre. Det fungerar inte.

Vad som fungerar är att vända på pannkakan och se det vi tycker om, verkligen fokusera på det och uttrycka vårt gillande istället. Det betyder att vi fokuserar på hur nöjda vi är med att vi faktiskt börjat träna, äta mindre onyttigt, på de delar av jobbet vi uppskattar, de kvaliteter hos chefen vi faktiskt beundrar, allt det vi tycker så innerligt mycket om hos vår älskling, hur duktiga, kloka och kreativa våra barn är istället. Vi väljer att sluta ge det vi INTE vill ha uppmärksamhet och energi och låter istället all kraft riktas mot det vi stödjer, tycker om och älskar. Jämför med när du vill höra bra musik som du gillar, du skulle inte låta Spotify välja hårdrock om du vill höra Vivaldi. Samma gäller för dina tankar. När du märker gnällets, kritikens, förbittringens och irritationens beska kommentarer samlas innanför pannbenet, ta en kort time-out, andas ut, spola framåt och byt låt.

Den förlegade idén om piska och morötter som enda motivationsfaktorer, det vill säga villkorad kärlek, är förbi, vi (borde) veta bättre nu.

 

 

 

Bankernas maktmissbruk

Jag fick brev från Handelsbanken där de meddelar att de nu kommer ta betalt för att jag betalar mina räkningar själv! Till och med skattemedel har underförstått ett tänkt utbyte mellan skattebetalare och stat, det vill säga, skatten ska användas till det “allmänna goda” (vilket numera inte heller längre fungerar), men bankerna tar det ett steg längre och säger i princip;

Vi tar dina pengar, disponerar dem för investeringar för egen vinning, och vi tänker dessutom ta betalt för att vi får använda dem, du har inget val, betala! 

Bankerna får disponera din inkomst, oavsett om det är lön, pension eller andra inkomster och investera dessa, dock enbart för bankens egen vinning, de betalar ingen ränta för dessa lån till sina långivare, det vill säga alla oss som låter dem disponera våra pengar. Men vill du låna några pengar ska det först och främst mycket till för att de ska bevilja något lån (om du inte kan pantsätta en fastighet t ex) och då tar de ränta och avgifter och tjänar återigen pengar på dina pengar. Nu kostar det dig också pengar om du använder bankgirot för att för övrigt helt utan deras hjälp betala dina räkningar. Dessutom finns idag i princip inga andra lösningar för att just betala räkningar.Du tvingas alltså idag inte enbart att låna ut dina pengar helt utan motprestation från bankens sida, du tvingas också betala för att sköta alla “bankärenden” själv från din dator.

Bankerna har miljarder att disponera och tjäna pengar på och de går med miljarder i vinst, de tar ut ränta på de pengar de lånar ut, även om det inte är “deras” pengar, de ger ingen ränta på pengar de själva lånar och de har etablerat digitala betalningar som kunden själv genomför, de äger bankgirot, och gör miljardvinster, men mycket vill ha mer.

2018 var ett bra år för de fyra storbankerna. Sammanlagt gjorde Nordea, Swedbank, SEB och Handelsbanken en vinst på 112 miljarder kronor, det är tre miljarder mer än 2017.” (Länk)

Nu ska de alltså också ta ut 25:-/ månad och kund, (300:-/år) ytterligare för att göra högre vinster med färre anställda. Det här godkänns av vår regering, som ju om man ska vara ärlig inte heller respekterar sina finansiärer, men fortfarande är bankerna vinstdrivande affärsverksamheter och det här begränsar helt den frihet som borde vara grundbulten i varje demokrati.

Hur kan det här vara möjligt? Inte ens i den mest renodlade av “marknadsekonomier” borde det vara lagligt. Våra regeringar godkänner alltså den här utvecklingen där bankerna får total makt över medborgarnas privatekonomi. Idag är det 25:- i månaden, reagerar vi när de höjer avgiften till 200, 300 eller 500? För oavsett vad de begär har du inte längre något val.

Children’s feelings

Children have a way of showing their feelings and emotions openly which in most of us may trigger reactions that very clearly tell us which feelings we are OK with within ourselves. It’s really quite revealing and also at times quite funny to watch.

A happy child usually gets away with showing their happiness at least at home, but when in public is told to “simmer down”, “don’t be loud” or something else.

A sad child usually triggers our innate parental compassion and we want to comfort, unless the child is wailing to the point when we can bear it, either because we secretely blame the parent of the child for not doing a good job in comforting their child or because we feel impatient and want to shut that “cry-baby” up!

An angry child, well, is not very welcome anywhere. At home they might “get away” with throwing a tantrum, but out in public….. An angry child screams, protests and behaves in ways we would never ever allow ourselves to behave. Parents become nervous, though not really because their child is in a rage, but because they worry about what other people may think about their parenting skills. And think they will. Judgment will show on most faces when a child in a store throws a tantrum

Our own feelings when we encounter a child’s outburst will, without fail, tell us how our own relationship with (our own) feelings is programmed. We judge as we ourselves have been judged. 

Generation after generation is brought up ashamed of their feelings, ie their compass in life, without being given any kind of tools to learn from them, use them or handle them.

From an early age, you too, have most likely, been told to put a lid on your feelings, maybe not all of them, but some of them, instead of allowing them to flow, handling them without fear and learning from them.

Now remember when you, yourself was a child. Did it ever comfort you when your parents or caretakers/teachers/peers shamed you? I didn’t think so.

Notice whenever you judge someone else’s or your own feelings and take a short time-out. Go back in time and remember yourself as a young child, feeling angry, sad, powerless, frustrated, happy, boisterous, abandoned or something else and honestly ask yourself what you truly needed back then. With true understanding, our compassion increases and compassion functions sort of like a drain cleaner on our own emotional constipation. The relief compassion grants our inner blockages feels so great that once you start practicing this on a regular basis, you will never go back.

 

 

What’s your default RPM-value?

No, I’m not talking about your car engine, but your inner engine. Not to be confused with pulse rate, though some correlation may be natural. I’m talking about your inner “pressure” (not blood pressure either), your inner engine, that is made up of thoughts, beliefs, emotions conscious and/or subconcious often swirling around in such a state where you cannot any longer separate one from another.

Even when we feel kind of calm, couch potatoing, not doing much, our inner engine may be running high. Our natural default is zero, a state of complete calm and balance. That would present as a state when we feel utterly at ease, no nagging thoughts on should’s and have-to’s, no vague feelings of worry, trepidation or tension. This inner engine may settle on a high due to a longer period of stress,  unresolved emotions, that nebulous awareness of “something missing”. Many of us work ourselves up to a default rpm that is wayyyy too high, normalizing it, even though we feel tired, worn out, lack luster or just ever so dimly off. We get used to that constant leakage of energy and use whatever we can to mask it, may it be coffee, exercise, alcohol, TV, gaming or whatever. We need to give ourselves the gift of coming down to zero, as often as possible. Getting used to a high rpm default is not the answer. That would be to “get used” to just breathing in and never exhale.

If you allow yourself to just sit for a while, not watching TV, not picking up your cell phone, just sit and stare at a wall, you’ll most likely notice an impatience, a sense of “I can’t just sit here” or an avalanche of thoughts about what you could or should be doing instead,  a pain in your stomach, a surge of nervous energy, a twitch – to sum it up, you will most likely feel some discomfort, this is the engine, behind the scenes.

We all have so many to-do’s and yes some of them needs to be done, but do they need to be done in haste and more importantly do they really need to be done at all? Do we have to multitask, be efficient all the time? Of course not!

We have a tendency to make our to-do’s so important, so serious, so grim, not even aware that most of them are simply choices made out of our somewhat skewed capacity for prioritizing. What is truly important? What is not?

Ask yourself those two questions in earnest, often and act accordingly and before you know it you’ll experience the huge difference in wellbeing and an increased frequency of high quality moments in your life.

 

 

 

People who love animals

I have always loved animals, fervently och passionately. And for a long time I just saw myself as an animal lover. Didn’t think more about it just felt that it was natural and almost out of my control. Not that I wanted to control it either, but I now realize that this urge or need to protect and cherish animals had something more to tell me.

When I grew up, there was no unconditional love. My father was capricious and I never knew whether I’d get praise or scoldings. But innately I knew that unconditional love was “the shit” if you pardon my expression and therefore my encounter with animals, and even plants, showed me something important. I didn’t know what it was, but I felt this need to be close to them, I trusted them, I felt safe with them and I desperately wanted to keep them all safe and protected.

I understand now that it was a projection of my own inner feelings of unsafety that prompted me to always take a stand for animals and plants, and it was my lack of unconditional love that attracted me to them with such passion. Deep within I knew that unconditional love and the instinct to protect and keep safe were benevolent, good, natural and true.

I am grateful that I was introduced to animals and nature at an early age. My parents loved animals as well, not in the same way I did, but they enjoyed them, which just goes to prove that they too in some obscure way, longed for this unconditional love and felt drawn to it, even if they never became capable of expressing it.

Unconditional love is what most of us long for. The feeling of being completely loved, cherished and safe is the number one prize, and the mistake we make, is to look for it outside. We try to perform in ways that will earn us love, and thereby we have gone off on the wrong foot to start with, which is natural, since when we are children we can not reason – we just feel. And to stay safe, we behave. Most of our parents are not capable of unconditional love which is why so many of us feel, on some level that we are never good enough. There’s a void inside that cannot be filled until we love ourselves unconditionally.

I still love animals, and plants and I am deeply grateful for the example they present to us wherever they are. Now I love them with a calmer feeling inside while before I identified with their vulnerability to the degree that I was blinded by it. Now I love, respect and honor animals and nature not only for the beings of wisdom that they are, but because I feel a renewed sense of kinship with them.

Animals and plants are the best teachers when it concerns unconditional love and emotional health, and I urge you to study them and allow your children to do the same. However skewed we are by our own upbringing and beliefs, animals and plants are always available to set us straight if we let them.

Don’t fight yourself

We all want to be good people (well, most of us :)), and in a lot of so called “spiritual” work we learn that acceptance is the way. However, I believe this concept has confused us into making acceptance into a (false) virtue, whereby the actual acceptance is nowhere to be found.

In trying to be accepting, we deny our own feelings. We accept this that or the other to show the outside world what an evolved human being we are or have become. Inside we might repeat the mantra “I accept” (or inwardly “you should accept!”) to appease our own stirrings of anger, irritation or annoyance but this is mostly to shut these feelings up.  If we instead use “it’s OK” as a mantra, it’s OK to feel those feelings, not trying to change them, not trying to make them go away, just telling ourselves that it’s OK that they occur, then acceptance happens!

It’s like we are trying to walk about our lives showing up as accepting and even self-accepting, but we’re not really OK with the stirrings inside. We want to look as if, either to dazzle our social circle or ourselves. It’s strange that words and practices which come from truly great intentions can misfire this way. When we misuse “I accept” to try and force ourselves into liking something we totally dislike, we will never feel that inner sigh of relief, which “it’s OK to not like that” gives us.

I have to admit that I went into this labyrinth of “acceptance” for a long while, not feeling any better. I was so hard on myself for feeling so much that I actually did my best to shut myself down. I thought to myself that “sure I was accepting”, but I still felt as I was being reprimanded for having the feelings in the first place (by myself). However when I told myself, and others, that it’s OK, the edge became blunt and the resistance towards the feeling faded. The goal is not to not feel, the goal is to know that we are and actually can be OK even in the midst of a meltdown.

Resistance to feelings is not the same as “handling them”. This can’t be stressed enough. To claim that you accept yourself while noticing that you still feel anxious, insecure or on edge as if you can’t trust yourself completely, is not constructive. Not until you are truly OK with yourself, even if you do get angry, anxious or whatever else feeling you don’t feel comfortable with, have you experienced self-acceptance. This is not about acting out every emotional wave that comes up, just about acknowledging and being OK with them, most of the time silently to yourself. It’s very soothing. And what is better for anyone who is stressed out, jagged and frazzled than to be soothed?

This realization is when the saying; “Love me most when I deserve it the least, cause that’s when I need it the most” truly hit home for me and I started practising being easy on myself instead of trying so excrutiatingly hard to be accepting.

It’s not about your sub-conscious, but about your conscious mind

So many have confused the functions of the mind. The conscious mind is the mind we are familiar with – ie the mind we hear in our heads as the constant chatter. The subconscious mind is the creator, the obedient power that carries out and manifests our lives according to the conscious mind. What?!?!

Most people live with the idea that the subconscious mind is the keeper of secrets, or the key to why our lives aren’t going the way we would want them to. However the subconscious mind is like a super-computer, it registers our thoughts, and the thoughts our conscious minds believe to be “true” are the ones given power and which are manifested in our lives as experiences or “reality”.

The subconscious mind functions as, what we now all know to be the Law of Attraction. But the LOA is simply the universal conscious/subconscious powers of energy and vibration. In our own personal lives, the subconscious is the law. When we have formed a belief, it’s not so much about trying to dig into the subconscious but to convince our conscious mind of what is and what is not true and stick to that. Because, the subconscious mind is like an obedient genie. When it hears something that the conscious mind truly believes, it immediately “acts” on it. The subconscious mind does not care whether the belief is bad or good, it doesn’t differentiate, nor argue. Or, as most computer or soft-ware programmers live by: Crap in – crap out!

This is why doubt and chattered thinking, will get us nowhere. It’s like giving a cab driver several destinations all the time.

It’s your conscious mind that needs to change, remove doubts, and be reminded of what’s true, by affirmations, self-hypnosis, visualizations until your conscious belief system has changed to what you truly want. Then, it will send that clear, focused command to the subconscious and your life will change.

I find it extremely comforting to know that it’s not some hidden part of me that needs the clarity, something lurking in the shadows, so to speak, that will trip me up every time I try to achieve something new. The reason it’s not manifested is simply that my conscious mind doesn’t really believe it – yet.

To help our conscious minds to be convinced that we can heal, have beautiful relationships, yes, even with your family :), that job, income, car or whatever we want, we can start by talking to ourselves and our doubts in the following words:

What if it is really possible that I could…..?” or “What if it is really easy to manifest…..?”

This will immediately lessen the resistance or doubts and our minds will go from exploring. affirming and inevitably manifesting the doubts or roadblocks, to focusingon the possibilities instead. Worrying about what is hidden in our subconscious minds will never bring positive change. It’s being brave enough to see, accept and question what’s truly in our conscious minds that will.

 

Vi lever inte längre i ett “civiliserat” samhälle

I en serie jag ser på Netflix hörde jag kommentaren; “You can’t do that – we live in a civilized society” vilket ögonblickligen genererade en kommentar från mitt inre; “No we don’t!”.

Den inre kommentaren kom så snabbt och så tydligt att jag började fundera.

Det samhälle vi lever i är inte civiliserat längre. Det är inte civiliserat att människor skjuts, att kvinnor våldtas av enskilda män eller män i grupp var och varannan vecka, att igelkottar sparkas ihjäl eller att änder används för prickskytte. Det är inte civiliserat att gamla människor vanvårdas, blir utslängda ur sina hem eller behöver gå och samla tomburkar på gatorna för att äta. Det är inte civiliserat att våra skattemedel går till överdimensionerade arvoden till politiker eller att riksdag och regering fokuserar på frågor om rökning på uteserveringar eller söndagsöppet på systemet istället för att lägga allt fokus på att göra vårt samhälle just civiliserat.

I ett civiliserat samhälle finns och råder en tydlig konsensus om vad som gäller. Ett samförstånd som samtliga invånare håller sig till, i de stora frågorna först och främst. Det handlar inte om några nya upptäckter eller initiativ – det handlar, som alltid, om att ju fler människor i landet som känner sig trygga, som litar på “systemet” ju mer civiliserat beter vi oss. En trygg människa skadar inte andra, en trygg människa är hjälpsam, vänlig och generös, eller helt enkelt en “civiliserad” människa. Först när grunden är på plats och fungerar kan man börja fundera på eventuella finjusteringar, precis som när man bygger ett hus. Det är också viktigt att politiker håller sig till just grunden och låter invånarna sköta finjusteringarna. Det är egentligen, i alla fall enligt min mening, deras enda och främsta uppgift. Det utgör grunden för ett samhälle där individens frihet att utforma sitt liv, inom ramarna för vad som är tillåtet och inte i det stora sammanhanget, kan blomstra.

Idag tycks inte politiker, media eller ens befolkningen kunna skilja på helhet och detaljer eller ha några som helst talanger inom konsten att prioritera. Snarare är det så att detaljer, som påverkar ett fåtal ges större fokus och energi än den grundval som behövs. Och oviljan att se att helheten rasar samman och har slutat fungera är större än allt annat.

Civilisationen bör innebära och innefatta att det råder ordning, jämlikhet och förutsägbarhet i samhället. Som läget är nu är vi inte ens i närheten.